The Newest Conspiracy Theorist

So it would be safe to say that when I hear a conspiracy theory my first thought is, "there is a crazy person who won't accept reality." But ever since this Osama Bin Laden guy was "supposedly" killed I have realized how fun conspiracies are. I mean it is completely obvious that Osama Bin Laden never really existed and his death is just a publicity stunt in order to get Obama elected again who isn't even American and instead a spy for a different country. And everyone knows Osama Bin Laden for his most evil terrorist act, the creation of the television show the Jersey Shore. I am just saying some times the answer is too easy, so you should come up with a nonsensical way to explain world events. Thus I have adopted the lifestyle of a conspiracy theorist. My point is my first impression of conspiracy theories was wrong, and if you can't beat em, join em.

Spambook

Originally Facebook seemed great, a means to stay in touch with the homies and post things I determine are important. My Facebook habits on the other hand changed the function of Facebook a little bit. I don’t think I am the only person who has fallen victim to the Facebook friend spam. As a happy little Facebooker I accepted any and all friend request, you know you have to get that friend count up so when people facebook stalk you they know you are cool. While recently jumping on Facebook I realized what I had done. My news feed (front page for those of you still on myspace) was covered in two things: posts by people I barely know and posts by the especially annoying people who post something every five minutes. WHAT HAD I DONE? It turns out Facebook is just a huge spam page. I would scroll through all the garbage posts just to see one or two by people who I care what they say. I am going to now take a moment for a public service announcement: 1) If I don’t talk to you don’t add me 2) if you post stupid things every five minutes, do everyone a favor and delete your Facebook, no one likes you. It is not just the posts it’s the Facebook chat as well. Initially I loved being able to chat with friends and check out the book. I was young and naive, now I spend just as much time hoping people don't start chatting with me as I do trying to get out of conversations. Other times I see people are online I am afraid are going to chat with me, and I have to sign off real quick. Am I going to delete my Facebook, No. Mostly because I am weak. My point is my first impression about Facebook was wrong. 

5 is the Loneliest Number

Most people would agree being the 5th wheel is not enjoyable. That is not where my first impression was wrong. I am always wrong when hanging out with a group of friends and I don't think I am the 5th wheel. I assume we are just hanging out and having fun, just a group of friends. Thats when the two girls in the group leave the room to go to the bathroom or chat, you know whatever girls do. Now it is just three guys in the room, me and my two friends. Instantly I am hit with the stare. Now of course the guys will never say they told you to leave, but its not hard to tell what the stare means. Clearly they are saying, "We are trying to get some here, so we are going to tell you to leave with our eyes instead of actually saying it." Now I understand this, I am not trying to get in the way of desperate attempts to hang out with the opposite sex. I mean it isn't like I leave and cry myself to sleep or anything. . . most of the time. It's not my first impression of being a 5th wheel thats wrong, it is always recognizing that seamless transition from a group hanging out to me being unwelcome. My point is my first impression of 5th wheel situations are always wrong.

I'm SO deep

My first thought when I used to hear that people had blogs was "you mean you have a place when you attempt to sound profound and the only reason you have followers is because they read it and make fun of you." High school is when I first heard of people blogging. High school blogging usually consists of quoting songs, posting random pictures found online, or last and certainly most annoying failed attempts of saying something deep. I am sorry to say that your philosophical ramblings about staring at stars aren't that deep. The worst comes when someone breaks up from their supposed soul mate in high school, which is always followed by some depressing, the world has ended, no one will ever love me blog entry. Thanks to this idiotic high school occurrence my impression of blogging was that it was all this pathetic. As I grew older and only slightly wiser I found that blogs take many forms. I personally prefer to read tech blogs and blogs I find humorous (none of them written by high schoolers). Now I know that I am not deep and profound but at least I hope my blog doesn't make it appear as if I try to be. My point is my first impressions of blogs was wrong.

Miss Calc-ulation

My first impression of Calculus, "I can pass this class." So I ended up withdrawing. My point is screw calculus.

Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl, Girl, Girl . . .

Upon arrival to Skidmore I was promptly made aware of two percentages. First that a hundred percent of the squirrels on this campus are nuts, and secondly 60%-40%. If I have to tell what these percentages mean then clearly you do not go to Skidmore, or you go to Skidmore and are Helen Keller. How is it that everyone from science and English majors to theater and sociology majors can know one percentage? The answer is simple; it is the most important percentage on campus. The percentage of 60% female to 40% male student body on campus makes the girls mad and the men hopeful. Now the precise science up picking up females is not a game of numbers but instead ratios. The way I saw it when I came into this school is the student body isn’t that large but there are approximately 1.5 females for every guy on campus. A date with one girl is awkward enough imagine the additional .5. What this ratio combined with college really results in is a crazy hook-up culture. I know I am some sort of freak because I am a male that likes dating and a relationship. Lets just say being a relationship guy in a hook up world is like a (insert metaphor). It turns out, for me at least, the ratio isn’t everything it is cracked up to be. My point is my first impression of 60%-40% was wrong.

Death by Dining Hall

As a desperate poor college student I decided I would take advantage of a little thing called the work-study program. A work schedule that was easily to set up around classes and the paycheck every two weeks was motivation enough for me. Also how bad can it be making sandwiches or wiping down tables. It didn’t take me long to figure out those weren’t the only jobs in the dining hall. My ability to get stuck with the worst possible jobs is almost impressive. One exciting job I had was wiping down the inside of the steamers. I know what you are thinking, “Steamer that sounds hot,” and you would be right. Another fun task was scrubbing who knows what off the walls in the refrigerator. Again I bet you are thinking,  “That sounds really cold,” and once again you would be right. Finally there is the pain of a three-hour shift. You are probably thinking, “That doesn’t seem that long,” and you could not be anymore wrong. Somehow the dining hall supervisors have managed to slow time for workers. A three-hour work shift feels like at least twice that. Now I don’t know what device is capable of slowing down time but I do know it exist in the dining hall. My point is, my first impression of working in the dining hall was wrong.